The Van Gogh of rock ‘n roll (Twisted Vanity):
Song meaning:
In this digital age as a singer/songwriter or creative of any
kind its extremely easy to lose touch of what is important and get caught up in
the narcissistic and frivolous, vacuous pit that is the internet. It’s hard
when your creative efforts get compared with how many people clicked on a link
or how viral you’re latest single or video went on Soundcloud or Youtube. I’ve
literally had other musicians say to me “you know Matt you don’t get booked for
the big gigs because you don’t market yourself enough, you don’t have a big
enough presence online, you’re a good songwriter but just work on your
marketing a bit more”. These kinds of sentiments drive me to near insanity where
I constantly tell myself "I am an artist, not an Instagram model". Then in my
descent into creative madness, I have two choices give up or go into a frenzied
crazed, creative binge, where I write and write and write, regardless of
whether anyone will actually listen or ever hear the songs I have just written.
I take huge inspiration from Vincent Van Gogh during these times, he is by far
my favourite artist and I think his story is strangely compelling for anyone
who feels lost in a digital sea. Even though he never sold a painting in his
own life, he went on to be considered a pioneer and innovative voice in the art
world. Yes, his story is tragic but the world only saw his brilliance in death. So the narcissist
in me says, “Maybe I’ll be the Van Gogh of rock ‘n roll, maybe these songs aren’t
absolute crap and maybe people will actually listen to them once I’m dead”.
Then I realise that this is just the ego playing tricks on me, because
archiving our existence really does mean very little in this day and age, where
if things carry on the way they are, we will all be swallowed by the ocean in
the next coming years, so honestly, “why should I even care at all” because
everything we created will be lost at the bottom of the ocean anyway. Maybe it’s
quite a nihilistic message, but at least I know I will carry on writing songs
come hell or high water, even in the face of coming ecological suffering and
the apocalypse.
Lyrics:
A subtle word
A subtle verse
I am quiet and alone
My voice doesn’t resonate, as loudly as yours
Because I never studied, the algorithms
I never grasped or wanted to understand the ways of the
internet
My narcissism makes me hope
Hope that one day I will be the Van Gogh of rock ‘n roll
My songs and words will only be heard long after I am gone
A hopeless forgotten song
Of longing and sweet vanity
I’m blue and eating paint
Did I get the message wrong?
Am I way too late?
My medium is destroying me
But I will endure, I will endure
Death the only cure for this sadness
We are nothing
In relation to the universe, the stars, the sun, the moon
So why do we create or even care at all?
Even care at all, even call at all…
Archive, archive, I hope to stay alive long after I am dead.
But I know that it’s just vanity, vanity, some kind of
twisted insanity, insanity
The sea will swallow everything we built
The sea will swallow everything we built
Including the stories we told
Including the stories we told
The poems, recordings, paintings, and drawings
The poems, recordings, paintings, and drawings
Will be forgotten with the death of humanity
Will be forgotten with the death of humanity
It’s all just vanity
So why do I care at all?
The sea will swallow
The oceans will swallow
And wash away the remnants
Everything we built
Will be swallowed by the ocean, the sea, washing down the
river, see
Everything we built will be swallowed by the sea
Washing down the rivers, swallowed by the ocean